things that are hard
This may be a little personal but I believe my readers are only women and my husband.
Today I went for my yearly female doctor’s visit. I never liked going in the first place, but since Zach and I found out we couldn’t get pregnant it’s been even more difficult. When you walk in, there are 2 walls covered from ceiling to floor with pictures of all the newborn babies that these doctors have delivered. They are precious. But they are also a glaring reminder that I will never join those ranks. So, I look at them for a brief moment and try to find my two nieces (haven’t seen them yet), and then I sit with my back to the wall.
It’s just another one of those things I haven’t figured out how to deal with yet.
Joanyett Dennis said,
September 4, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Hi. I don’t know you but your last post touched me. I am an L&D nurse and have a special place in my heart for women who desire to give birth to a child. I know that you are adopting. We are too. I just wanted to say that I will pray often for you…and I just wanted you to know that there are people who care. Take Care and God Bless You.
A said,
September 5, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Here’s a cyber hug
. I had mine a few weeks ago, and I struggled with being in there too. Of course the ultrasound machine is right there and I realized that I may never get to see anything on that screen. And I got a little sad…. Then, I was struck with jealousy sitting in there. It seemed so unfair that our road to parenthood is so difficult and LONG. I guess we just have to cry a little, and refresh ourselves and wait for what God has in store. I definitely don’t want to go back to the sadness and anger I felt a few years ago.
Wendi said,
September 6, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Hey sister!
It stinks! They must do that at every OB-GYN? It stinks; All the way around, I know! I’ve felt the same way… it is difficult. Let me tell you what I’ve done! I took a picture of my 3 Colombian babies, and gave it to the doctor. So, just think…in a little while you’ll be able to showcase your jewels, just like everyone else!
God has a reason and purpose for each of us. Some families are meant to be designed thru adoption; others, biological. Both are beautiful! This is a beautiful thing that you and your husband have chosen to do.
I want to say, “Please, do not be discouraged.” But, I know, firsthand, that that is difficult, so, I will just say that we’re standing with you, sister…as others who walk similar paths, who have felt heartache and dispair and the longing to hold a child of our own in our arms…we stand with you! You are not alone… I will be praying for you. Please be encouraged, that God does have a plan for your family! Thanks for sharing and being real!
Jen said,
September 8, 2008 at 3:20 am
I was going to try to leave an encouraging note, but I can’t possibly compete with what these women have already written. Just know that my heart aches for you.
Kara said,
September 10, 2008 at 7:22 pm
My heart aches for you as well. I wish I could say something to ease this longing/sadness you feel. I want relief for you. But you’re feelings are genuine to the situation and shouldn’t be ignored or avoided. The best I can give you is to let you know that I am with you as you walk with God through this struggle. Much love to you both … even from far away.
Mickey said,
September 11, 2008 at 1:24 pm
My dear Daughter Renee:
I am still crying! Like Jen, I too can’t possibly say it better than the first few women. But I feel especially bad because I just sent you two pictures of Addyson, who I’m babysitting. I didn’t mean it as a “jab;” I meant to only share my joy. I look forward to sharing with everyone my joy of holding/hugging/loving our Columbian grandchildren. In the meantime, I wait and pray along with you. Thank you for sharing your heart. And keep teaching me how to be sensitive! I love you!!!